the little brother i never had

october, 1989

in 1989, at age 42, my mother still had a pregnancy. i myself, being conceived at a late mothering age of 35, the pregnancy was expected to be risky. as my mother and i was preparing to school, her water bag broke. my mother wet her skirt and urine started to drip on the floor. i was shocked and worried given the limited knowledge i had that time. my mother still managed to send me to go ahead and told me that she was alright.

i, coming into my senses that my mother was in trouble, began crying the first moment i sat on my chair upon reaching school. mrs. labay comforted me and asked what happened and i tearfully retold what i witnessed that morning. probably, she already had an idea that my mother suffered a miscarriage.

i returned home with the hilot already finished(tia dora) assisting my mother. what i saw was a fistful lump of flesh and blood contained in a bottle. the hilot estimated that it was a four- to five-month old boy fetus.

unknowingly at that time, the name rex which she intended to give her supposedly "third child" translates to the same meaning as to my name. both names mean king, rex is of latin origin while ryan is of gaelic.